Beautiful People (http://www.poetryoflife.com/beautiful-people/)

I’m thankful for

the beautiful people

in the world

like you.

Beautiful faces are

those that wear

a friendly smile

that say, “I care.”

Beautiful eyes are

those that show,the kindness and warmth

that glows below.

Beautiful lips utter

kindly words

that so the the soul

like the songs of birds.

Beautiful people

touch and bless;they inspire hope

and happiness.

You will always be,

beautiful to me

Stay With Me (Baby) - Lorraine Ellison

I've been thinking about this song a lot. I recently watched The Boat That Rocked and particularly thought of how that man had felt after that 'bitch' had left him. Heartbroken is an understatement. Hopes were raised in effort then dashed quickly 14 hours later. I hope I never fall in love, for the sake of being hurt and being destroyed from the inside out, but on the other hand I don't want to go through life without love, without someone to hold me when I cry and understand what I mean when I say "I don't want to talk about it". I think there is always one person for another, who will undeniably be 'the one' but it's hard to find them.

People throw those three words around like a tennis ball "I love you, I love you, I really love you and I'll never let you go" is something I could clearly hear a 14 year old girl tell her 'boyfriend' only to be in tears the next day. I've asked people if they're ever been in love, and by people I mean adolescents, and they would reply "Yes, it's a beautiful thing". No, you haven't been in love. If you had, you would have fought through any hard times with that person just to be able to cling to them at night and hold hands with them while they dribbled Tomato sauce down a chip to munch on at the pier. With that thought in mind, I'm still single. Huzzah! Although my eye has been caught by my butcher... He is 25 and looks like Leonardo DiCaprio, just a little more manly. But he's a tad too old and my female hormones are driving me nuts. Can't I just like a boy my own age? No, because they're all short and immature. A guy a tiny bit older than me? No, they're just out for sex. An older guy? No, they're too old. AND I'M TOO BLOODY PICKY! But I'm young and I don't expect anything really... If they're not what I'm looking for, then they're not for me. And who said I'm looking? Because I'm not...

Well that entire paragraph just encapsulate my insanity. Go on, feast...

This blog is getting rather depressing. I haven't written in a while and it's affecting my capability to think like a rational person (But who wants to be ration anyway?!).

What else can I talk about? Ooh! I know.

I'm sitting in my orange desk chair, tapping painfully at the keys (I slammed my fingers in a car door....), watching the grey clouds pass my window. It's miserable and cold here... Don't come to Australia in Winter, because it's only like England in Summer. I painted my nails a pinky/orange neon colour, it stands out and makes it pretty. I did this for two reasons, because it's my brother's 18th birthday tonight and he's inviting 70 18 year old boys to my house which I dred as they'll all make fun of what I'll wear and anything else... And secondly, because it covers my bung nail...

I would like to give a little 'shout out' to Jason who posted a comment on my blog (which I returned (Sorry about the lateness, Mr Jason, my computer hates me)). He seems an alright bloke. I've read his blog and he's got a lot of interesting things to say, a debate within itself perhaps. He's a definate, knows what he wants, what he is and when he wants anything he knows he has. Which should make sense. Thank you Jason. I'm not brave, just in need of a comforting word everynow and then.

That's another thought, just because Psychiatrists and Counsellors have a piece of paper saying they would understand our problems, doesn't mean they would. They don't have all the answers and they can't help you if they don't understand (Which most of the time, they don't... They just guess).

To Billie Holiday, my love.
Michaela.

God... Am I really this depressing?

I got an email a few days ago from a friend, expressing how she could empathise with me, as she had read by blog, finding it incredibly depressing.

Jesus, I'd better write something good!

Ok, well... I'm feeling chirpy, surprisingly, but there's a lot of problems

a) Laptop broke
b) Broke
c) Can't buy one (See b)
d) Massive amount of homework due, which is on laptop, which could be lost forever
e) Parents being total bitches
f) Parents don't want me to fail (See d + e)
g) This is the first letter of Golf. Thought you'd like to know.

I'm happy, people are talking to me more.
I'm wearing make-up more often and making sure I look nice every day, and people are being nicer. It's a good feeling.

I'm currently reading a book called Big Fat Manifesto, which is about a fat girl who doesn't care about her size, until her school newspaper (Which she is writer for) decides to do a piece on a popular teenage clothes store. Of course she can't fit into anything and gets her confidence knocked a little, then her boyfriend (or FatBoy as he is known in the book) decides he no longer wants to be fat anymore, and chooses to get Gastric Bypass surgery. I'm 3/4's way through and it's making me think.

Thinking is bad for me, if I think too much, it hurts because everything leads back to my pessimistic mindset.

Michael Jackson seems to come back to mind. I feel for his kids (as I have previously mentioned). I know he loved his kids, you can just tell, no matter what he did with his life.

I've decided I'm moving countries after I finish uni, that's the best option. Away from Step-relations, away from terrible people who know me, a new start!

Well... nothing much else is going on, although I've given up on losing weight (for now). It's too hard to juggle things I'm already struggling with.

Much love,
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Aqua_Nautical! xx

To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra

Well, I have only a few things to say today.
This is a letter I sent the school counsellor today;

"Hi Mrs O’Brien,
I am currently feeling quite depressed, as I have for a long time now and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I can’t come see you in person, especially today, as I have to run around like a headless chook in my spare time to get my subject selections in.

So, I’ll just tell you a little bit about it, I hope that’s ok. I don’t want to bore you or take any of your time out of your day.

At least once a day, I have a disgusting depression feeling (If I’m with people, between 6pm and 8pm, or during the school day) and it’s constant.
Even the smallest gestures of offence or insult makes me feel sick and emotional, most times, bursting into tears.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting with small things, or my brain is right and people are just treating me like the dirt under their feet.
I usually run my life by the saying ‘Treat people how you would like to be treated’, and so I am kind, well-mannered, respectful, friendly and generous to everyone and anyone who needs it. While girls are rude, inconsiderate and sometimes selfish to, not just me but others as well.

I don’t have a lot of close friends, in fact you could say I don’t have any close friends, and yet everyone around Toorak knows my name and is always willing to give a smile. At the moment, I’m planning my 16th birthday party and there’s going to be 40 people and it’s a cocktail party, I’m finding it incredibly hard to invite people, I don’t know anyone well enough to have a small party, but if I had a big party, I don’t know that many people.

I have had incredible self esteem problems my entire life and they’re only getting worse. I was seeing someone in Frankston Psychology and Hypnotherapy who said that what my brain tells me, and what I think is wrong.

You see, when I look at someone who is slightly overweight or big, I instantly think terrible thoughts which I think is incredibly insensitive of me, then I think that people who look at me, whether they be friends or strangers, must think that about me as well.

Yesterday, the incident that set the ‘waterworks’ off, was two girls during recess. I was walking past some girls and they started spitting nut shells at me, putting them in their mouths and spitting them at me. At first I just stood there thinking ‘what are they doing…?” before I realised how degrading, demeaning and humiliating it was for me, before I walked off into another room. I walked into the toilets and burst into tears.

I used to have severe bulimia during years 8 and half of year 9, and I’m seriously worried that, that, might be my last option again.
Ok, too much information, just to summarize; I feel invisible to everyone around me, I feel like no one (not even my family) has my own personal needs in mind when they advise me, I feel like I have no friends or anyone that does actually care. My view on my own body is deteriorating quickly (I have asked people, and they say that no one likes hanging around with someone that is so negative), I am depressing almost everyday, to which I eat constantly which makes me more depressed because I’m getting fatter and eventually obese. I am afraid of everything and anyone. I have lied to Psychiatrist’s because if I tell them that I constantly binge and then get even more depressed, I feel they’re going to judge me.
I didn’t want to come see you in person for these reasons, I hope you understand.

If you have anything to add, advise or anything that could help, please tell me.
Thank you,
Michaela. "

I've been listening to sad songs too much lately.
Well, I assure you that next post I have will either be Mrs O'Brien's reply or a happy happy joy joy post.

Well...

I'm in Biology now, in which, Mr Richardson decided to tell a gay Irish joke.

"Some irish guys were planting a tree, and up on the hill at their house, their brother was yelling at them "GREEN SIDE UP!"" It was a bad joke... but I laughed anyway.

Have a nice day, I know I'm trying to.
Steph, if you're reading this (which I know you might), please don't go over school saying you've read my blog and asking me about it in public. I say things on here which I need to get out, not that I'd like discussed. This is my substitution for someone who will listen, I don't need it being spread through Toorak.

Michaela.

I can't believe it's not Butter!

Oh, I find my blog titles amusing...
I'm currently sitting on my little swivel, orange office chair which squeaks with every movement, waiting for both my brothers to finish up shaving their faces so I can have a shower.
I just got back from the gym and feeling exhausted. I'm listening to Imagine by John Lennnon, everytime I hear this song, I get slightly sad... Not being it's slow, I just think of the video clip of him and Yoko sitting at the piano, being all loved up and such. It's so sweet and yet so sad that such a great musician has left this earth. (I have an urge to mention Michael Jackson here, but I think he's been in my blog already too much for my liking... I'll bring you back later, MJ).

Well I'm now showered and dressed, just having finishing watching The Amityville Horror. It's probably my favorite thriller movie of all time. I watched the special features and it was explaining about how the house was built on Indian burial grounds, and it was showing different views of people. Some believed it was haunted, others didn't. I think one guy can't kill 6 people without one waking up at least... It's a scary thought... I hope my brothers just look creepy and not go out and kill people.

Ahhh..... I had leftover pizza for lunch, Adrian forgot to put some paper towel over his, so when he reheated it, all the topping splattered over the microwave. Yummy...

Michaela is currently wearing a giant red jumper, which was her mother's, and is from the 70's... It's quite warm and comfortable, but I would never wear it ot in public. It probably took 100 sheep just to make a sleeve of this beast! It's itchy on bare skin, but good. Thought you'd like to know.

There's not much else going on... oh! I know!
ok, I'm in a pickle... I went to a party last Friday and I sort of... kissed a guy, let's call him Josh (I won't say any more), and the guy who's party it was, let's call him Jack, apparently had a crush on me.

Now what I didn't know, what that Josh and Jack are best friends. Well, both liked me and Jack said that I had "cut him, as a friend"

The day after Josh told me that he only kissed me because he wanted to get something that Jack didn't have. That he really didn't like me and it was all in good fun. Then Jack told me that because I'd hurt him, he doesn't like me anymore, but still wants to be friends.

Now Jack is talking to me on MSN like "I love you so much, you're my best friend! I don't know what I'd do without you" and he's telling me all his secrets. Keep in mind, I've only met Jack twice and Josh once. I am trying to avoid Jack, while Josh is ignoring me, I'm trying not to speak too much with him. Well if you can understand that, you're golden!

I have one follower! Whom I love greatly! I will ask him if he could get other people to follow my blog, as sometimes I'd appreciate some feedback, what to do and such.

I think that's all I say about today... Oh, someone signed onto MSN, told me I smelled of expired yogurt and signed off... Mmm...


Much Love for one follower, and hopefully more to come.
Michaela

But the kid is not my son.

I've been thinking a lot about Michael Jackson. Listening to his songs a lot more. I don't really know why. I'm sad he's dead and, not only is it a great shame to lose such a fabulous entertainer and singer, but I'm thinking of his kids. People bullied me for not having a dad, but imagine not having a dad who was the King Of Pop.

I have a friend, whom I have been romantically and lustfully involved with (Don't ask), and he's ignoring me. We fight heaps, but we get over it, and usually I know what I've done or what he's done. But this time, all I got was;

""Right, well, I'm missing some in information, which I don't particularly like. So you're getting blocked now.""

And that's it! I've texted him and emailed him and I miss talking to him because he's a friend I can truly talk to and rely on. I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know what I've done and I don't know if something's wrong! I haven't spoken to him since because he's ignoring me...

Anyway, that's too much depression for an entire blog. Cuban Missile Crisis, anyone?

Kennedy handled it beutifully, thank you for saving world!

Talking of Kennedy, all the sons (And their father) all look the same and all have been run through politics somehow!

Also talking of Kennedy, I think Marilyn Monroe is the sexiest thing on legs! Even more so than tables.

I dyed my hair today. I don't like it. I am pale and I don't take much to get even paler! This is me, with dark brown hair... I look like a total noob... (I don't know what that means, but my brothers call me it quite often).

Oh well...

Well Dad got out of hospital and was very grumpy, making some nasty comments about me, but oh well, he's in pain. I'll let it fly now.

Mum's new car got scratched and she said she was 'heartbroken'. I think she's being dramatic, I didn't scratch it, and I think a car isn't a loving part of your heart.

Anyway, that's about it for today.

Goodnight

Michaela

Baby's First Steps (Please ignore last... Mistake)

First post.
Mmm.... tricky tricky...
Well today I got up, had a piece of toast, went to the gym, came back home, stayed home.
Interesting stuff people!

Ok, well I'll tell you about myself.

I'm Michaela.
I'm loud, flamboyant and very outgoing. I have as much self esteem as a box of hair, which isn't much. I like people, I like being nice to people, I like finding out new things and I like the colour green and frogs.
I don't like nasty or bitchy people, I don't like hypocrites, I don't like people who say nasty things just for the sake of sounding cool, I don't like the tint of white, I don't like bananas, I don't like my brothers or my fat little dog.

I like a lot of things, and most things I'm open to, but if I don't like something, it's for a reason.

I write poems, stories, letters, emails and mostly Twitters! http://twitter.com/Aqua_Nautical
I also draw, paint, print, edit, colour, sing, dance, smile and do all sorts of wonderful magical things.

Yes I'm young, younger than you, and I probably don't have much intelligence to run off, but I don't my words and I know my day well

Here's a little taste of what my life is like. (Keep in mind I wrote this last year when I first joined Writer's Club) (Oh god.... I'm too young, break me out!)
I wrote this poem about a week after I read Valley Of The Dolls, the idea of a man so devoted to a woman at one point and cheating on her the next disgusted me. Oh and the poem below it was written by my lovely friend Amelia who decided a little response would be good for me.

The cheater
Your hands upon my shoulders,
Your breath upon my clammy skin.
Your touch makes me swoon,
But my heart won’t let you in.

My hands tremble on your chest,
Your skin against mine.
Your body tried to seduce me,
But I cannot help but sigh.

You cheated to another,
You ran to her embrace.
You held her in your arms, you said,
Where I thought it was my place.

I feel so empty now,
Your love is empty too.
The ‘fling’ you say we once had,
Is now completely through.


THE WINDCHEATER
Your sleeve upon my forearm
Your warmth upon my chilly skin
Your hood is messing up my hair
As I steal from the biscuit tin.


I would also like to say that one of my greatest musical idols was Michael Jackson who passed away while I was on holidays recently. As I listen to Billie Jean, I smile. It's a damn'd good song! I don't care how much he liked little boys, that's his personal buisness and I like his music!

Another would be Pink, she's a role model for girls everywhere, and she kicks a**! I love her tone of voice.

My hobbies would be... well just look above, you can figure it out, lovelies!


Much love for anyone who takes their time to care,
Michaela!

P.S. I thought you might enjoy a funny picture.